Effective Immediately: All Production Defers to the Moon

After 23 months of exhaustive lunar research, 14 whiteboards, and one very expensive telescope, our production team has conclusively proven that full moons cause gravitational interference with our seamer heads, destabilize yeast flocculation at a cellular level, make our Quality Manager "feel weird," and cause our tunnel pasteurizer to emit what we can only describe as a mournful hum.

The data is irrefutable. All agreed: we cannot in good conscience operate on a full moon. These dates are hereby designated Official Craftsmith Blackout Production Days under our ISO-certified Lunar Compliance Protocol (Patent Pending).

On blackout dates, our facility operates in Lunar Maintenance Mode. Our seamer is communing with the cosmos. Chuck will be outside.

Frequently Asked Questions

Will this affect my order? No. Your production schedule, lead times, and delivery windows remain entirely unaffected by lunar activity. We have checked.

What if my order falls on a full moon? We will produce it anyway. The moon does not have purchasing authority.

Who do I contact with lunar concerns? Please direct all celestial inquiries to your project manager, who will forward them to Chuck, who will be outside.

Can I opt out of the Lunar Compliance Protocol? All clients are automatically enrolled upon signing their production agreement. There is no opt-out. The moon thanks you for your cooperation.

Is any of the science accurate? The moon does exert gravitational pull on large bodies of liquid — it's literally why tides exist. Whether this affects a 30-BBL brewhouse is debatable. Our Quality Manager remains unconvinced. Our seamer has no comment.

Is Craftsmith okay? Yes. Happy April Fools' Day. Chuck is into Star Wars, not astrology. Our seamer is fine.

Craftsmith is an FDA-registered, GMP-compliant, PCQI-certified contract beverage manufacturer based in Illinois. The moon has no bearing on our production schedule. Probably.